My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
