i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize