I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
