My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Damn victory sex feels great
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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