For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
