Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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