upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
