He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
