hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
