can u get pink eye on your cock?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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