i was born a porn star she said
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
