Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
