Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize