Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
