Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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