shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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