My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize