ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you would pick up someone in the library
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
