you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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