nut hugger
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
