Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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