I think i peed on brittanys purse
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
