one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
