3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
