thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
