you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
