ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
