I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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