Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
