One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
