Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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