I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
