i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
