i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
