So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
