My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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