So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Houston, we have a squirter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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