i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
