I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
