If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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