Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
These tits shall not be calmed
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
