so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
