This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
