She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
