So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
