Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
