Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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