Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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