i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize