then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
