Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
