Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
