Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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