I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
