Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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