Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
