come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
