Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
