Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
