i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
