he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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