he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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