Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
