She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
