hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
