it hurts more in the daytime
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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