dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize