Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
