Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
