she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
