College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
