His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
