You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is Oprah even human
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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