I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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