you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize