i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
