hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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