Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
