Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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